Can't Hold You Back
by Griselda Banks
Summary: Oneshot. "And if all of that can't hold you back...I'll jump for you." Not as depressing as it sounds :P A brief, NON-YAOI, interaction between the brothers involving a test, a bridge, and some snow.


**Author's Note: I started this in response to a prompt HolyCowWorshipper gave me, with the intention of changing the dialogue some. I was sure it would take me a long time to come up with a concrete idea in which to place this dialogue, but just a couple of days later I realized there was something in the last episode of Lovely Complex (a shoujo high school romance anime that bears _no resemblance whatsoever_ to FMA XD) that I could use. It took me a really long time to come up with a title, though. Often when something doesn't come to mind immediately I try to find some lyrics that fit, but this time I just couldn't come up with the appropriate song. Then, on a whim, I typed "lyrics don't jump" into Google because of a line later on in this fic. The first thing to pop up was such a good song, and fit so well, that I decided to use it!**

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_Don't let memories go  
Of me and you  
The world is down there out of view  
Please don't jump_

_- "Don't Jump" by Tokio Hotel_

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For HolyCowWorshipper, for one year of awesome friendship

* * *

When Edward left his brother in the vast lobby of Central Headquarters, he clapped him on the shoulder and said encouragingly, "Good luck!"

Alphonse swallowed and nodded, nervously fiddling with his coat sleeve. But when Edward glanced back over his shoulder from the staircase, he saw Alphonse walking steadily and calmly towards the State Alchemist Examination Room.

Edward tried not to think too much about the five-hour test being held three floors below him, as he wrote up lengthy reports and filled out paperwork in his office. He managed to temporarily put it from his mind as he attended the annual foreign aid budget meeting. Adamantly protesting against the idiot who suggested sending in a team of alchemists to bear the brunt of rebuilding the smaller towns was enough to distract Edward for a while. When he finally slouched out of the meeting room, exhausted but triumphant, he glanced at his pocket watch and realized it was already well into the afternoon. The test had been over for hours.

After hesitating, Edward ended up returning to his office. Most people got their results by the next day, but those few willing to sit around at Headquarters for the rest of the afternoon took priority and could usually get their results by the end of the workday. Alphonse had agreed to do that, bringing along some of his research into soul alchemy, so Edward decided it would be pointless to go see him. He tried to focus for the last few hours.

But he decided he must have been noticeably distracted, because at five o'clock sharp his secretary came into his private office with a knowing twinkle in her eyes.

"Oh, hey, Parker," Edward said unenthusiastically, scribbling his name onto the last page of the day and propping his chin in his right hand. "More work?"

"Yes, sir," she said primly, pushing her reading glasses a little higher up her nose. "I've come to file these papers for you."

It took Edward a minute to comprehend what she was saying, then he straightened up and grinned. "You mean it?"

Parker smiled. He'd always thought there was something motherly about her, even though he was her superior. Maybe it was something about the gap in their ages, but somehow her smile reminded him of how his mother would award him and Alphonse with a cookie if they finished their homework on time. "Great!" he cried, springing up from his desk and practically skipping over to the coat rack.

"Oh – Colonel Elric!" Parker called after him as he made to open the door while pulling on his coat. "General Mustang called to inform you that the Examination Center has closed up for the day."

Shooting her a grin and a thumbs-up, Edward raced out the door in pursuit of his brother.

But Alphonse wasn't waiting in the lobby as he'd expected, and when he rushed back upstairs to his office, Parker told him there had been no calls. Confused, Edward headed upstairs, all the way to the fancy top floor. General Mustang nodded him through, and Edward barged into the Fuhrer's office without knocking.

Fuhrer Mustang had known him so long that he didn't even need to look up from his work. "Wondered when you'd turn up. But don't take it out on me, Full Metal; you know you have to get at least 85 percent to make it past the first round."

Edward stopped short halfway through his march to the Fuhrer's desk. "What?"

Mustang looked up in surprise. "Didn't Alphonse tell you? He got an 82.5." Seeing this was news to Edward, he began shuffling around the papers on his desk until he found a manila folder and pulled a sheet of paper from it. Handing it over, he continued, "That score's well above average, but the test is hard, even for the best of us."

Numbly, Edward took the sheet of paper and saw that Mustang wasn't lying. Alphonse hadn't been accepted. He wouldn't go on to the interview, or the practical exam. He'd been weeded out at the first stage. Edward couldn't pretend he wasn't surprised; Alphonse's skills had always been on par with his own, and he'd assumed he'd make it through the written exam as easily as he had done the first time. But maybe it had been too long. For almost two whole years after getting his body back, Alphonse had barely touched alchemy at all. Frowning in thought, Edward handed back the paper.

Mustang was watching him carefully. "You all right? This isn't the end. He can study up and take it again next year."

"Yeah, that's not what I'm worried about." Edward waved his hand dismissively. "You haven't seen Al lately, have you?"

"Not since the exam, no."

Telling himself not to worry, Edward nodded and left without saying goodbye. Alphonse was probably crushed with disappointment. He would have gone home and simply forgotten to call him, that was all. It was enough to make anyone forgetful. But when Edward finally got home and let himself into their apartment, it was dark and cold. Edward paused for several long moments, listening to the utter silence, then dropped his briefcase, locked the door again, and raced back outside.

He tried not to panic, but it was hard. Something had happened, he just knew it. Somewhere in between Headquarters and their house, Alphonse had gotten lost. Or been mugged. Or even killed. Gulping down hysteria, Edward focused on scanning the faces of homeward-bound pedestrians, telling himself he was overreacting. But as more and more strangers passed him by and store owners closed shop all around him, and as his few feeble reassuring explanations of Alphonse's whereabouts fell flat, he began to worry more and more. When he raced up the marble steps of the main branch of Central Library only to discover the librarians locking up and bearing the news that they hadn't seen him all day, his heart turned as cold as the air around him.

It began to snow lightly as he slowly trudged back down the steps, ignoring the librarians' chatter behind him. He couldn't run anymore; his breath came short and fast, every gasp stabbing between his ribs and puffing out in clouds of steam. But Edward kept walking, desperately following all of their favorite haunts in hopes of finding some sort of clue. It had been snowing a lot lately, and Alphonse was out here somewhere, shivering and thinking about his failure earlier. He'd been working so long and hard to reach this point, and even though it wasn't as life-or-death as it had been the last time, they'd both been looking forward to the day he got his watch as well. What a disappointment...

Edward looked up as he began to cross the large bridge that spanned the muddy river that curved around one side of Central City. There weren't many people out and about anymore; the snow fell harder every minute, and most people were behind their cozy lighted windows, eating warm dinners. Edward shivered at the thought. There was only one person on the bridge tonight, a single coated figure leaning against the concrete railing and gazing down at the murky depths of the water far below. Edward crunched a few steps closer, then stopped short. Of course. The figure had long blonde hair in a ponytail hanging halfway down his back. Alphonse leaned a little farther over, as if looking for something...

Fear usually felt cold, but this time it rushed through him like a river of fire. Before he had time to think, he began to run with all his might. "Doooooooon't juuuuuuump!"

Alphonse looked up, startled, just in time to be knocked straight off his feet. Luckily, the snow had drifted quite deep against the side of the bridge, so he landed heavily in the snow with a surprised "Ooof!"

Edward knelt over him, gripping his shoulders as tightly as he could and pushing him deeper into the snow. "Don't do it!" he shouted hysterically. "I know this was a big disappointment, I know you had all your hopes set on this, but you can't just give up, okay?"

Trying to push his brother off of him, Alphonse spluttered, "Brother, it's not-"

But Edward drowned him out. "I need you, Al! You hear me? I _need_ you, so don't throw yourself-"

"Brother!" Alphonse yelled, finally getting his attention. "I _wasn't – going – to jump!_"

Edward stopped mid-sentence, his mouth hanging open stupidly. "Oh," he finally said, falling back against the railing and watching, dazed, as Alphonse struggled upright again. His nerves seemed to tingle as the adrenaline seeped back out of him, and he savored the way Alphonse awkwardly shook out the hood of his coat, trying to dislodge the cold snow. "Don't _scare_ me like that, Al."

Alphonse huffed out a cloud of steam and gave up on his hood, frowning at him in frustration. "What are you talking about?"

Swallowing the lump forming in his throat, Edward mumbled, "Oh, c'mere," and hugged his little brother with all his might.

Alphonse patted him on the back and gently extricated himself, then helped Edward to his feet again. Edward shivered, realizing for the first time that he was wet all over from the snow. Alphonse shook his head and helped him brush off all the stray bits of snow, mumbling something about overreacting.

As Edward scooped out the snow he'd been unable to reach, Alphonse said, "I would never commit suicide for such a stupid reason, Brother. There's always another year. But...it _was_ kind of disappointing, so I guess I forgot to call you. Sorry."

"Aw, forget it," Edward said, looping his arm around Alphonse's shoulders and starting back across the bridge. "C'mon, let's go home; it's cold out here." When Alphonse draped his arm over Edward's shoulder as well, he added quietly, "I'm glad you're still here."

They walked in silence for a few more minutes, but after a while Alphonse spoke up again. "Um...I was thinking, though. While I was on the bridge. The reason I didn't get a good enough score was because I didn't study enough. I figured I knew enough alchemy after all our travels, and since I don't need a transmutation circle and everything. So I thought I could just do a bit of studying and then take the test, but actually... I think I need some tutoring."

Edward looked at him in surprise, though he saw Alphonse's point immediately. "You mean you want us to go back to study with Master? Al, you know I can't-"

"I know."

They came to a stop, and Edward turned to face Alphonse fully. As he looked into his brother's calm, understanding expression, Edward understood and felt his heart sink to his toes. "You're gonna go by yourself?"

He nodded. "I think that's the only way. If I trained with her for a year, I'd be more than ready for the next exam."

Edward stood rooted to the spot, trying to fathom a whole _year_ without his brother living with him. No more groggy chatter in the mornings, no more cooking supper side-by-side, no more coming home to see him curled up on the sofa with another library book. No more conversations about his theories for transmuting the soul, or separating chimeras. No more Alphonse who was always there, like a strong suit of armor who was the pillar of his life.

He turned away, wrapped his arm around Alphonse's shoulders again, and started walking. "I'll miss you," he murmured.

Alphonse gripped his left hand tightly in his own cold hands, and they trembled with more than the cold. "Me too."


End file.
